


learning something new

by murphym



Series: Sportsfest 2018 [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: College, Denial of Feelings, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Canon, Sportsfest 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-18 17:24:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16521440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murphym/pseuds/murphym
Summary: Oikawa is comfortable hating Ushijima; it's all he's known. Though he learns there's more to Ushijima, learns that Ushijima loves him, and he hates that he no longer hates him like before.





	learning something new

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt:  
> the poem from 10 Things I Hate About You

In college, Oikawa discovers that Ushijima isn’t who he thought.

Ushijima is still a driven, power-hungry force on the court, even more so when Oikawa finally starts to set to him. Ushijima is still awkward and blunt when he speaks. Ushijima is still confident and walks with his chin held high. Ushijima still annoys him, but not as much, not like in high school.

Ushijima is still many things Oikawa already knew, but what he learns is that Ushijima is also kind, reliable, and wasted on him.

He spends late nights for extra practice with Ushijima in their first semester, perfecting attacks and tosses and finding a rhythm. It starts with volleyball, nothing more, and at first, Oikawa wishes to keep it that way, convinces himself that volleyball will always be the extent of their relationship - it isn’t.

By fall, Oikawa hears it for the first time, “I love you.”

Ushijima’s confession proves that their relationship is more than just volleyball.

“But you hate me,” Ushijima says, and Oikawa doesn’t deny it.

Oikawa is so wasted on Ushijima because the confession sparks a craving for Ushijima outside of volleyball. He starts to text him, despite hating how Ushijima texts. They spend meals together after exhausting practices and study together on the weekends. He calls Ushijima whenever he’s hurt, physically and mentally, finding that it’s only Ushijima he wants by his side, looking out for him.

It’s scary, because Oikawa doesn’t hate Ushijima, not anymore.

What’s scarier is Ushijima still thinks he hates him, reminds him every time they hang out. It rekindles his so-called “worthless pride” because he’s always been against Ushijima - why stop now? Why make Ushijima think anything else of him when he’s carried that hatred for so long? So he locks away his new found feelings, buries the key under every bitter memory and every moment Ushijima frustrates him.

Though the key he’s buried threatens to surface with every considerate touch, every time Ushijima shows him an ounce of kindness, every time Ushijima says he loves Oikawa.

When they lose a crucial match in their second year of university, he digs for the key and opens the rusty lock.

“You could have called Iwaizumi,” Ushijima says that night at the ungodly hour of three A.M.

He’s stopping wanting Iwaizumi’s comfort long ago, desiring only Ushijima for times like these. The times when volleyball brings out his most vulnerable and insecure sides. Iwaizumi can’t comfort him like Ushijima can, not when Ushijima is the one by his side now, watching him practice, be successful but also witness all his mistakes on the court.

Oikawa shakes his head from where he is on Ushijima’s bed, crying. “I want _you_.” And he hates how his voice cracks, knowing that what’s been hidden for so long is surfacing. “Just you.”

Ushijima looks at him with an intensity that burns through the darkness of his dorm,  “I’ll never understand, Oikawa, how you wish to be around the person you hate so much.”

He laughs bitterly through tears, “I don’t hate you, Ushiwaka. I hate - I hate that I don’t hate you.”

Ushijima’s calloused, strong hands reach out, gingerly cupping his cheeks.

“And I hate how I wish I still hated you,” Oikawa chokes out, feels the lock give and give until it finally breaks open. “I hate that I love you.” His heart stutters when Ushijima’s forehead rests against his, feels Ushijima’s breath on his cheeks, gaze on him and it’s all too much yet not enough. Oikawa swallows thickly, “I hate that I don’t deserve you.”

Ushijima thumbs away his tears before he kisses Oikawa.

He scrambles to take purchase in the front of Ushijima’s shirt, pulling him in closer and taking hold of the shameful desire that he’s locked away for years. Oikawa learns something new, learns that Ushijima’s kisses are warm and secure - everything he hated himself for imaging.

“I haven’t hated falling in love with you, Oikawa,” Ushijima reassures him. “I never have.”

Oikawa also discovers that he can learn from Ushijima; that it’s okay not to hate loving someone so intensely when Ushijima loves and accepts all of him without any regret.

**Author's Note:**

> eventual healthy ushioi is my jam y'all
> 
> find me on twit: @bokutohs_


End file.
